“Men don’t court anymore.” A complaint I’ve heard more than once, men are less R&B and more hip hop, less Luther Vandross Buy Me a Rose and more Lil Joh “Turn Down for What”.
The masculine types are no longer trying when it comes to the dating game. Maybe we should blame Tinder and the ability to swipe, Twitter and the ability to follow or Facebook and the ability to poke.
I’ve had friends complain that he didn’t pay for dinner, he hasn’t suggested going to the local jazz club, he doesn’t see wine tasting as a legitimate way to spend the afternoon and his idea of a weekend away is going to see his cousin, who lives on the other side of town.
This has women grumbling they’re not being treated like the “ladies they are”.
But what sort of lady are you?
I presume you were able to get the job you have, the car you drive, the sandwich you eat at lunch and the bottle of Chardonnay you will complain over when discussing this very same problem. Why does equality and empowerment apply in some areas while in others we’re all for benevolent misogyny?
So why can’t you go out and get the date you want?
Here two scenarios.
You’re at your favourite bar. You see him, he sees you. The music’s playing in the background and you wait for him to approach you. He does and buys you a drink. The electricity’s so strong it would put Eskom to shame. A few days later he calls and says “I’ve microwave tacos and have ordered two movies from Box Office. Want to come over?” And the illusion of romance is shattered as you sit and watchTaken 3 while catching the highlights of some match.
Then you call and are like what is it you enjoy doing? I enjoy having sundowner drinks, dinner and then possibly some dancing. If all goes well who knows, probably a night cap.
This approach is swift, to the point and ensures there isn’t a microwavable food product or Premier League game in sight. He gets the pleasure of your company and you get the date you want.
Why don’t women take control of the courting process? Why do they want to be swept off their feet? Why must he take you out no matter the economic gap? If he’s working the floor in a department store and you’re the CEO why must he then break the bank to take you out or else you must settle forChicken Licken?
There is really no other reason than “he’s the man”.
Does he not deserve to feel special? Do you not have all the date plans? Is your free time being spent optimally?
There is a way to take a man out without making him feel “powerless”. It’s about engaging him. If he likes to watch Kaiser Chiefs then treat him to a game and a round of drinks afterwards.
If he likes hiking, Lion’s Head is lovely and toning your thighs is an added bonus. Romance him so hard he’ll think he’s a Disney princess.
Women wait for Mr Correct to make all the right moves. There’s no power in that, and chances are you’ll just end up settling. If he’s put off by your initiative, it’s probably not a good sign for the relationship anyway.
Taking charge of this process could actively empower you in the subsequent stages of the relationship, be it sexually, financially, in the domestic realm etc
It’s 2015, time to own your love life.
Image – Gallo